I don’t want a daughter anymore.
I know it’s odd to read that, coming from someone who loves princesses and pink everything; someone who once dreamed of having a little girl of her very own; a miniature of herself to pass down all her treasures.
But it’s true.
I don’t want to bring another girl into this broken world.
I don’t want to be the one to tell another little girl to “dress modestly”.
I don’t want to be the one to give her the talk about protecting herself from rape; that 1 in 3 women will be assaulted in their lifetime.
I don’t want to be the one to tell her that her choices don’t actually matter.
I don’t want to explain how men get to make all the decisions on everything.
I don’t want to see her grow into a young woman, and then have to tell that young woman that she can’t dress a certain way or act too friendly or trust anyone implicitly.
I don’t want to have to tell her that even if she says “no”, that not everyone will believe she didn’t ask for it.
I don’t want to be the one to tell her that if she gets pregnant, she will be shamed in any choice she makes, be it to keep the baby, give it up, or terminate the pregnancy.
I don’t want to have to smile and congratulate her on a pregnancy she’s excited about, all the while praying that she comes out of it unscathed.
I don’t want to have to tell her that her choices in her pregnancy and birth may not be respected, or that she’ll be lied to or coerced or outright threatened into compliance.
I don’t want to be the one to tell her that no matter what path she chooses in motherhood, that someone somewhere will find fault with and shame her for it.
I don’t want her to know that in spite of all the efforts feminism has made over centuries of oppression, that we could lose it all in an instant.
I don’t want to tell her that she will never be seen as more than a container to be filled and emptied; that her life will never trump the life of a potential human being; that her hopes, dreams, ambitions and needs will not matter. That no matter what she chooses to do, she is selfish.
Maybe if things were different, I might want a daughter. If rape culture was abolished, if bodily autonomy was respected, if women were somehow treated as PEOPLE and not as children who need the men and the white coated professionals to make decisions for them, if we were free…then, maybe I would want a daughter.
If misogyny was abolished in our culture.
If this wasn’t the world we lived in, I might want to bring another female into it.
But those of us with a uterus do not have a voice, and as a mother I want my children to be free.
So I don’t think I want a daughter anymore.
Please give me only sons.
And I will teach them to love and respect women as people, not as vessels or play things or servants.
Then maybe the world will change in time, and they can have daughters of their own.