For the record, I love men. Some of the most important people in my life are male. I was raised by my dad, my younger brother continues to be my best friend, my son is the light in my life and my husband is my soulmate. My uncles and my poppa are my greatest protectors. I am very happy in a male-dominated setting, provided those men see me as their equal. But for argument’s sake, let’s just pretend for a second that I hate men.  Let’s pretend that every single thing that is hated about women was actually used to criticize men.

Why? Because I’m sick of the misogyny in our culture and sarcasm and mockery is my greatest weapon against stupid arguments.

The big arguments of the Men’s Rights Assholes (see what I did there?) are so hypocritical that I often wonder how they can take themselves seriously.

So today I’m turning those arguments around, to show how ridiculous they are. The following is a compilation of every single misogynist comment I’ve ever heard or read, with a twist! They’re all directed at men instead of women. Behold!

Men are all horn dogs out to get laid. They only wear leather jackets and muscle shirts and tight jeans that show off their penises to get attention, and we women are powerless to control ourselves at such an obvious display. And then we sit in class or at work having to look at those men flaunting their bodies and all the while knowing they’re only doing it to tease us. The good looking men only ever go out with the hot chicks, and never a regular girl. And if we’re super nice to those guys they only ever see us as a friend or else they’ll cheat on us when something better comes along. And they never appreciate what we do for them whether it’s make dinner or some other thing that society has told us is feminine that men are supposed to like. But they tell us they like that shit and expect it, and then we do it and it’s not good enough! Or we’re smothering them. They insist they can “take care of themselves” and don’t “need” us. Make up your goddamn minds already! Either we treat you like gods or we let you be equal to us; you can’t have it both ways sweetheart! And god help us of we’re not a perfect female specimen because then we’re just no use to these shallow assholes. Men are just good for being a good fuck and then maybe a sperm donor, but even then I can’t wait for the day when we can replace men with robots. I mean, living with men is impossible because they all think with their dicks and are crazy moody and irrational. They are all money hungry skirt chasers and expect us to wait on them without complaint, and we work our asses off while they get to sit on the couch drinking a beer and watching TV. And they never listen. It’s no wonder women beat the shit out of their husbands! How can anyone deal with these idiots? I mean you tell them something and they should just listen the first time instead of constantly thinking they know better than you do. The men’s rights groups are all just a bunch of whiny men who are overloaded with testosterone and we all know testosterone makes men stupid. Honestly they are totally useless except for being sperm donors. And how dare they decide to go get vasectomies without involving their women in the decisions. I mean, shouldn’t we have a right to choose whether or not that man gets to decide he’s done having kids? If he didn’t want to be a father then he shouldn’t have fucked that woman in the first place! Man whore! And who cares if condoms aren’t 100% effective. He shouldn’t be having all that sex with all those women if he doesn’t want to have to pay child support and take responsibility! I am so tired of these men whining about knocking up their one night stands and having to pay child support! That’s why you shouldn’t fuck random women dumb ass. Save that shit for when you’re married and ready to actually support a family. And speaking of family, that’s the problem with all these men today. They all want careers and freedom and totally ignore the fact that nature intended for them to be dads. They are supposed to settle down with one woman and have kids and stop being entitled pricks, but instead they all have to be self serving and only in it for the money and then cheat when they get bored. Who needs men when a vibrator is so much better at getting us off anyway? At least the vibrator doesn’t ask for validation afterward! And don’t even get me started on how they all whine about “unrealistic expectations”. I mean, they expect US to stay thin and dress up for them and yet when WE suggest they lose weight or put a little effort into their appearance suddenly we’re oppressing them. FFS! They all talk about equality and being treated as a whole person instead of just a sex object, but look how they expect US to act and dress! Men’s Rights! People are starving in other countries and all these entitled house-husbands have nothing better to do than whine about how oppressed they are just because they aren’t being taken seriously enough. You want me to take you seriously? Stop whining and actually do all the same shit that women do and see who REALLY has it harder!

Lol. That was kind of fun, not gonna lie. But seriously, I think I did a pretty good job of covering most of the crap hate speech thrown at women. And really, when you rewrite it against the opposite sex it sounds plain ridiculous and insane…which is exactly my point. It IS ridiculous and insane, and yet our culture perpetuates that thinking every day.

Women are still “asking for” sexual attention whenever they dress a certain way.

Women are still selfish for wanting to control their own reproduction.

Women are bitches because they don’t go out with the “normal guys”.

Women cheat because “something better came along” or are automatically going to cheat if the opportunity presents itself.

Women are sluts if they enjoy a sexual relationship with more than a few people, especially when that sex is had without necessarily expecting a commitment.

Women are to blame for unwanted pregnancy because they shouldn’t be doing it in the first place.

Women are to blame for the violence against them because of how they act.

Women are slaves to their emotions/hormones.

All these things said about women, constantly, in many different ways. Misogyny is either blatantly obvious or disguised as “concern for our moral society”, but it’s still hatred for women, just as every stupid thing I said in that “rant” is hatred for men. The only difference between that and what the true misogynists say is that I don’t actually believe what I wrote is true.

Because obviously not all men cheat and not all men think with their dicks all the time. And not all men are gods worthy of praise either. The fact is that regardless of which set of genitals people are born with, we are all human. We all have the capacity to be awesome or to be assholes to each other. Both men AND women cheat. Both sexes are capable of deception and even rape. Both sexes can be abusive. Both sexes can be selfish. Neither sex is inherently better or worse, smarter or stupider, weak or strong. We are just humans with different sets of sex organs that nature designed in such a way so that we could mate and propagate the species. And that doesn’t mean that we are slaves to that biology or that we should use our hormones as an excuse.
But then again, what do I know? I’m just an entitled whore living off her hard-working husband’s money and complaining about oppression that doesn’t exist because I’m irrational and on my period. ;p